Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Words

Thankful for so many reaching out to me on my journal and email.
You are all good and
have such good hearts....
I am proud to call you my online friends.
Need to share with you.

After writing my previous post
a severe arthritis flare up is what I am told happened.
Several trips to ER for pain and after blood work was given a shot of morphine.
Test, ex rays and beyond, this one went through.
Cortisone shots in shoulders.
Taking something at this time to ease coming out of this nightmare.
That really has been creeping up on me all year.

Do I laugh
when results were shared
that I am really quite healthy.
Bones, organs and all that is flowing through my body.

But I am one petite lady filled with arthritis and inflammation.
at least that is what I was told.
My body experienced something like every muscle, tissue and bone was with pain
nothing like I have experienced.
Nothing was left out
and have to say it made me super angry and was repeated told to calm down.
but  did not like the visit this monster made.
Told probably  will happen again
Will continue to do everything in my power to keep it away
but  will have to take medication for inflammation
I evidently have lost.
Cannot rely just on diet, meditation, yoga, being good and living in this nature that surrounds me.

Sometimes I feel like an impostor.
I type away and share
and all sounds delightful
the family, writing, simpler lifestyle and beauty of nature which surrounds my daily life,
the super good, super bad, in between and now Heaven. This long life has a lot of  memories which at times without being invited
surface, you have to be aware of how sneaky they are and stop them in their tracts.
Because family and friends read my sharing
I truly have to be careful with my words.
it is the wise thing to do.

Through this health experience, once again it has shown me who is always there with
just the right concern and special words, old friends and some new ones  - and those that you wish in many ways were
different and not so casual and I can no longer welcome those who
continue to cause me pain into my life.
By welcoming them
I am punishing myself and I have done enough of that.
 There is not much time left
to experience all the joy, love and peace that I want to saturate my being..
There are so many good people with good hearts that are a part of my life at this time.

  My girls and grand girls who live in the big city
spent last weekend with me.
Needless to say they are a joy....
Frequent calls from son far over the ocean and daughter in another state
and those special grown grandchildren with magnificent careers
that I still think of as 12 years old.

So I will continue to heal, accept all and be more protective of the time I have
left on this planet.

Every health professional I came in contact with were proof of angels and they appeared
everywhere with their kindness and encouraging words

So many blessings
Going to visualize myself as a snail or a turtle
they are never in a hurry
as each day unfolds.

God Is Good

and as each day unfolds
I just know that there I will be typing
a lot soon and camera will always be close.

22 comments:

Balisha said...

Dear Ernestine,
Here I was in Illinois... getting these strange feelings that something was very wrong with you. Sweet sweet friend, I hoped that you weren't ill. Thank you, so much for updating. Now, I know what you have been experiencing. Sometimes I think that life just isn't fair for us, as we reach our later years. We take care of ourselves the best we can and still suffer.Arthritis is a bully....taking over our bodies and our very lives. If medication is needed...then so be it. You can't live with pain such as you experienced. It will soon wear you out.
So take the meds and keep doing as you have been. Don't let negativity influence you.It isn't good for your soul.
So glad you posted....my turtle friend.
Balisha

Sallysmom said...

I was thrilled to check your blog one more time and see a post. I had been coming by at least 2 times a day wondering if you would appear. I am so glad to see you and read your sharing. Please take care of yourself and try to let go of those things that cause you pain in your heart and mind.

Elsa Louise said...

I too felt the vibrations that all was not as we, your friends, would wish for you. So very sorry to learn of your distress.

Please rest, and try to not overdo. With a go-getter such as yourself, that is probably not easy.

Pacing is all.

Sending love to you over the hills and dales to Tennessee from the West.

Nancy said...

Been checking your blog 2x a day. Figured you were experiencing health issues. Thank you for posting. Sorry you've been going through a difficult time. Hugs and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

Laura said...

Dear Ernestine, I'm sorry you have been experiencing so much pain. It can be so frightening and then the fear increases the pain. I learned long ago that taking medication along with meditation and yoga and eating well are all compassionate companions. You have not lost because you need medication… it is just part of the whole healing package. If you could see the box I keep my medicines in you would be astounded… and I used to be a no medicines kind of woman… try to do everything "naturally"… but sometimes the body needs extra help and rather than be miserable and unable to function and enjoy life, it is worth it to swallow so many pills each day and receive injections and infusions as needed. We are so blessed to live in a time in which physicians recommend complimentary healing practices with medication and at least in my experience are willing to listen and talk about what works for me as an individual. My doctors are not authoritarian as they were years ago when I was younger. There is much to be grateful for every day. I have found that pain is not a solid thing, there are spaces in between… fear has us believing it is constant… it may be chronic, but as a meditator, you will likely notice that if you pay attention you will see that there are spaces, breaths, moments that are pain free… observe the sensations as sensations, discover what is really true for yourself… all with lovingkindness, and deep, deep compassion. AND it is ok to be afraid, pain is exhausting and you live alone, that makes everything harder. Much love to you. I hope you start to experience more moments of relief soon.

lil red hen said...

Ernestine, I come with no words of wisdom or advice, just heartfelt wishes that the pain will be less and you'll soon be out and about. We do all love you.

Judy said...

Praise God! I was just sitting down to send you an e-mail and you have finally appeared. I was truly worried! I can't even imagine that kind of pain and wonder, why it happened. How could it all come at once. Is part of Sogren's to blame? (I know I spelled that wrong.) So scary! By the way--I love turtles. They just keep creeping along--ever forward!

Lonely Rivers said...

And so you see, we are all gathered around waiting to know that you are all right. I am so sorry you have experienced this terrible pain, and also grateful that you are surrounded by medical angels who may find the right solution. When I complained to my Doctor that yoga, a healthy diet, good friends, exercise and meditation and never smoking had not prevented Cancer, She looked at me and said, "LR you are 69 years old and you've never been sick until now. How do you know what those years might have been like if you hadn't taken such good care? We don't know, we never know, we just do the best we can." I wish you ease and comfort, a peaceful mind, and an openness to the love that surrounds you. Xxx

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

LR, how special you are and my really painful journey with arthur did not start until 75 - see how lucky I am :) Back on very low prednisson and looks like I have been slowly turning into someone I do not know and really thought in my lifetime
that aging and pain would pass me by. I am not realistic but will smile and rejoice in each day.
Balisha, Sallysmom, Dear Elsa Louise, Nancy, Laura, Charlotte, Judy - you are all dear and special to this one...

Pienosole said...

Am thinking of you and sending you positive healing thoughts. Thank you for sharing.

Anvilcloud said...

At a certain age, we all have difficulties. I am arthritic but not like you. It slows me down and makes me feel older than I really am. On the other hand, I have various friends and family who have all had heart problems and, usually, life saving operations while I tick on. Some of these people are the same age as I or even younger. I guess, for most of us, things going wrong is the price we pay for aging although there are some gifted with incredible genes. This all sounds preachy, but I am just ruminating about life, and I know that you know all of this already.

Sky said...

wow - my aunt, whom I have mentioned to you before, just had a very similar experience! we recently returned from a visit. inflammation is her culprit, too, and it became so intense she was unable to walk. hospitalization, same testing, same pain relief med, etc., and now she is in PT at a rehab center where she is making progress regaining her strength and gaining back the weight she lost (20 lbs in one month!). she'll be discharged in 2 weeks. hope you both can find a way to avoid that level of pain in the future, but since I, too, have inflammatory issues, I know it comes and goes. here's hoping the best for us all. glad you are back in the saddle though carefully. soon you will be reclaiming your routine but hopefully with a less arduous pace and some restrictions about what is ok and NOT OK for you to do in the gardens! cheers.

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh Ernestine, so sorry you've been through this, I thought you might be on vacation, I try not to worry when you don't surface.

What an agonizing time for you indeed, I hope you are through to the other side of all that now.

I know you take care of yourself holistically. I, too, get mad when pain comes out of nowhere and I get frustrated, my right shoulder does this.

Fingers cross you continue to write of everything and anything and the beauty that surrounds you and within you.

XO
WWW

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Dear, dear Ernestine ~ So good to see a post from you! I am so sorry to read that you are going through such pain as you are having to deal with.

Getting older is not easier. But hopefully we keep on learning and growing with each new day we are blessed with until God calls us home.

Thank you for sharing your peaceful lifestyle with all of us here. You are such an encouragement and inspiration to many.

Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

Chip Butter said...

Your typed words and wonderful pictures have been a great enjoyment and inspiration to so many of us. Some of your words I have even scribbled into my own little journal. Hopefully, you will feel much better soon, and your fingers will be back to work. Take care!

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Pienosole, AC, Sky, Lorraine and Mary and WWW thank you for visiting.

Sharon said...

Count me among those who were glad to read this post. You have been on my mind, too. I truly hope you begin to feel better with medication, which I don't see as a failure but as one more way you have to take care of yourself. All the things you do have contributed to your overall health or this bump in the road would be much worse. It is wise to choose our words carefully when we share because we want to put as much positive energy into the universe as possible ~

Barb said...

What a beautiful post you've written about frustration and pain but also grace and acceptance. I hope your body calms and your arthritis sleeps for a very long time.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Oh Barb, you bless me
in you describing my acceptance
"really did not do very good at that"
Also hoping my body calms and arthritus sleeps for a very long time.
What beautiful words :)
Sharon, thank you also for
your words...

Beverly said...

Oh, I do wish "Arthur" as my mother called it would not visit you. I am so sorry you had to go through with all this. I know you are determined lady, and that will help you so much. Keep moving, just rest between bursts of sweeping, hoeing, cooking feeding the birds!!! I finally have hummingbirds, I have waited all summer. I do think of you often, just slow to read my blogs. Yours is the first one I do read. My baby was 40 on August 15 and his brother 44, so in two weeks I will be 67!!!!! Times marches on....
Be safe, and careful..... God is Good....all the time..

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Hello Ernestine,
I have been very distracted by my move and adjustment o retirement and now living with my son and family, so didn't know until today that you have been going through such a terrible time. My heart goes out to you and i give you the same profoundly beautiful wish that Barb gave....may your arthritis sleep for a good long time, and allow peace and pain free days and nights for you!!

nancy at good food matters said...

sending good thoughts your way. despite all our efforts to be mindful and accepting, it is a state of consciousness that must be rewon daily. I don't blame you for feeling anger when the body causes such pain. I hope and trust that things are going better for you now. Nancy